Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
