Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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