So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
