Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
