I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
