fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
