I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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