you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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