Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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