Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
