I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
