So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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