remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
