That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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