It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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