Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
