Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
