i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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