So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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