remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
