his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
