4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize