so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
