If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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