How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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