Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Houston, we have a blender
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
