we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
