what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
