My nipple is on Facebook.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
