Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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