I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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