even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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