My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
