i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
