His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
