No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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