My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
