i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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