i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
