If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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