ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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