The best revenge is premature balding
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
