The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
