Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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