you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
