Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize