I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
