evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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