cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She told me I should be a condom model.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
