mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
