watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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