I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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