Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
