she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
