He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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