I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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