He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
