just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
