my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
