I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
